My Rooster Crowed

I’m super excited about this journey because it’s giving me the opportunity to grow at such an accelerated rate. I get to “learn at my own pace” which means that as soon as I get the lesson down and pass the tests I move on to the next lesson. At least, that’s how I foresee it working out. One problem, I’m still facing the same issue in my life. I’m still feeling the same way. It’s like I can’t get past this until I do something different. I can’t get over this issue of regret.

REGRET.

I love the example of Peter when thinking about regret. (Don’t know the story? Check it out in John 18:25-27) The guy denied Christ three times and then the rooster crowed reminding him of what he just did. He did some terrible things and in the moment, while I’m sure he felt bad, he really didn’t think too much of it. Then, when the rooster crowed, he instantly felt all of the shame and hurt he had caused. It became real to him. He had some major regret, but when Jesus came back and saw Peter, he asked him three times if Peter loved Him. (John 21:15-17) It’s so poetic and perfect; it’s as if Christ was giving Peter the opportunity to make up for each time he denied Christ. Peter had to get right before God and he had to get right with the person he caused harm to. In this case, they were the same person.

But regret’s not something that I usually have. There were literally like 2 or 3 moments in my past that I really regretted and I’ve went to God about it and I’ve went to the people I’ve hurt and I’ve made amends and that’s all I can really do. Every now and then that regret will sneak up, but I just remind myself I’ve done all I can do and now it’s in God’s hands.

Well, lately there are some more parts of my life that I really regret. I felt awful when I did them, but I didn’t think all that much of it. Recently, I’ve had some things revealed to me that have made me realize how much damage I caused to someone else. My rooster has crowed, and it kills me inside to know the pain I’ve inflicted. I’ve asked God for forgiveness and I’ve asked God to help the other people to forgive me. The thing is, I still haven’t really given them the opportunity to forgive. I haven’t apologized. And like Peter, I need to make amends for what I’ve done.

Knowing what this situation is and who I’ve hurt, this is one of the scariest things that I will have to do, but I have this deep feeling in my gut that this is what I need to do and it’s the ONLY way that I’m going to pass the test on this lesson and move forward in my journey. As much as forgiving is a freeing feeling for the person who forgives, I feel like apologizing is a freeing feeling for the person with regret. To go back and say, “I know what I did was wrong, and I’m sorry I hurt you” is so humbling and takes such a weight off of your chest.

Now, I just need to figure out how and when and what to say and AHH! Panicking! *Deep Breath* Really what I need to do is keep praying and allow God to work in both of our lives. I need to let Him fight my battles, and then have the confidence in Him to do what I need to do: apologize.

This is a scary time for me, but I know God is going to move in incredible ways through this and bring me and those I’ve hurt closer to Him and closer to who we need to be. I’m trusting Him, and for a control freak that’s a BIG deal. Wish me luck. I’d love any prayers you guys can send my way.

Best of luck in the real world and God bless,
XTopher