What I’m learning from Goodbyes

 Sundays are always great days and today has been no exception. Today started off with me getting a ton of homework done (always nice to feel accomplished). Then, I went home for the afternoon and got to hang out with my family before they left for a show. After my parents and sister left for the Civic Center, I had the opportunity to walk my dogs, which I absolutely loved.

When I was a kid, I used to run around my back yard with sticks and beat up all of the imaginary bad guys. I created a lot of characters, then, that I still use in stories I’m writing today. Walking my dogs in the same yard that I have all of those memories in was very poetic and emotional. I am moving in just over a week and this was probably the last chance that I will have to get to spend time in that back yard. Of course, having the opportunity to say goodbye to my childhood play place was super emotional for me (the already over-emotional individual) and I was crying a decent amount. But, upon some self reflection and prayer on my way back to campus this evening I was reminded of that important lesson I’m learning: life is about balance.

One of my natural instincts is to try to keep everything the same in order to preserve the memories. The only other option, in my mind, is to forget the memories and just let things change. Wouldn’t you know it, neither of these are super healthy. I need to cherish the memories, and the lessons, and the mistakes I’ve made in life as I grow, but I don’t need to be afraid of the change. All the things I’ve learned, all the different memories I have at all the different fazes of life, every stupid and awkward moment were essential in helping me become the man I am today. While I want to just sit and wallow in those memories, I need to let them do their job and help me continue to grow.

At the same time, change is good, but it doesn’t mean I should abandon certain parts of my past. Just because my family is moving to a new house and things are changing, it doesn’t mean I should completely forget all of the memories I made in the old house. In the same way, although I’m getting older and learning new ways to live life, I shouldn’t abandon the things that make me me. For example, I used to be a super spontaneous and rambunctious kid. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that people often view those kind of people as slightly (very) annoying. So, I’ve stopped being the energetically positive kid and started taking on a more pessimistic attitude to fit in to the world. I’m realizing now that even though I’ve learned that it’s not always appropriate to be super obnoxious, it doesn’t mean I should abandon that part of me to become someone else.

I am me. That’s who God made me to be and that’s who I want to be. But, I kind of get to define who that is. That’s both scary and exciting and I’m loving/hating every minute of it. So, I’ve decided to be true to who I want to be and not worry about how well I fit into this world. I mean, if we’re honest, we all want to be unique. I’ve discovered that it’s very hard to be unique when you’re fighting to be normal.

So that’s what I’m learning. I’ve decided to come up with who I want to be: the actions, thoughts, mannerisms, habits, character, and attitude of the man that God has called me to be, and then work on being that.

I hope this has encouraged you guys or made you think in a little bit different way. I hope your lives are going wonderfully!
Best of luck in the real world and God Bless,
-Hanson