Why I’m giving up Netflix for 28 days

When I first moved into my apartment, I didn’t have a TV or internet. I had my phone with 2GB of data a month and a laptop. As far as technological entertainment went, that’s all I had. I quickly resolved the internet issue, and was able to start streaming videos, Netflix, YouTube, and spending time on Snapchat and Twitter, but for a few days, my life looked like it never had before.

I hate silence. In fact, I might even be afraid of it. I’m not just talking about the times when there’s no noise, because there’s almost always some clock ticking, or wind blowing, or house creaking. I’m talking about any time when my mind is not being stimulated, entertained, or taxed. It’s those times where I’m forced to sit with my thoughts. Being alone with my thoughts forces me to be introspective and emotional. This, for me, is one of the most exhausting and frustrating endeavors, because I’m not good at it.

In addition to hating silence, I’m also a perfectionist and pride myself on my skill. I’m a good student; I’m good at my job; I’m a strong communicator. I do not like thinking about those things I’m not good at, like spending time alone – with my thoughts. So when it comes to silence, I’m not a big fan. And when you live alone and work in IT, there’s a lot of silence: driving to work, doing laundry, cleaning dishes, vacuuming, getting ready in the morning, walking anywhere, shopping, sitting at work, and so many other times. I cannot escape my own thoughts.

This has led me to fill my life with noise. I read an article not long ago about someone who had a psychological addiction to marijuana. They would use it just to get through the really boring parts of life – those same times that I described as silent. I’m not a marijuana-user, but I am a noise-user. If I’m doing anything, I have something else going on. Netflix is always playing something, or I’m listening to music or a podcast, or I’m scrolling through social media. But as I constantly have noise in my life, the threshold has risen.

Now, it’s not enough to have Netflix playing. I have to be streaming Travelers while doing dishes and listening to a podcast. Even then, I still have this urge, this craving, to have more going on. I yearn for real interactions which stimulate my brain, but instead of reading, or calling a friend, or doing a puzzle, learning a skill, or any number of other things which both stimulate the brain and are healthy for me, I’m caught up in noise. I resent doing the dishes, not because I don’t like doing dishes, but because it’s so boring, and it leaves me with my thoughts. I will avoid dishes so much, that even though I’ve cooked several meals, and baked banana bread, I haven’t washed a single dish since Sunday. There are pots, pans, bowls, dishes, measuring cups, and serving utensils everywhere. I have had more than enough time to get it done – last night I watched Young Justice: Outsiders for 3 hours and didn’t do a single dish. Why? Because I was afraid of the silence.

But my life wasn’t always like this. In those few days between moving into my new apartment and getting internet, there wasn’t a whole lot to do when I got home from work. So, I would go for hour-long walks and just enjoy nature and the sounds of the city (the luxury of living by a lake is I get both). I’d take time to read, and if there were any chores to be done, I’d do it, because it was enjoyable and there was nothing keeping me from just getting it done. It was a simpler time – even though it was only seven months ago. Over the past few months, especially with taking time to look back over the year during New Year’s Eve, I’ve wanted to get back to that feeling of bliss and productivity.

So, this morning, not only did I get out of bed at a decent time (a difficult thing to do when you normally scroll on your phone until 1am), but I finally did my dishes that have been piling up over the week. Seriously, it was a mess. There were dishes everywhere, but I took the time to clean and dry each one. And I resolved not to have anything going while I did it. I kept my TV off and my phone out of the way. I had some soft music playing, but that was it. And it was so refreshing. Seriously. It was so nice to just feel the dishes and wash away the filth and grime. It was soothing, and even though I was alone with my thoughts, it wasn’t as bad as I feared. In fact, I don’t even remember what I thought about. I just did the dishes and focused on that.

This feeling, coupled with my discontent with the noisiness of life, have led me to a resolution. New Year’s resolutions are hard, and now is the time when most people start failing theirs, so I’m not doing a yearly resolution. I’m going to be a little more self-aware and recognize my weaknesses along with my strengths. My plan is, for the next 28 days (that’s 4 weeks) to watch, at most, 30 minutes of TV on weekdays, and 3 hours total over the weekend. As for scrolling, I’m going to try to stick to my “phone away by 10:30” rule and spend less time scrolling by doing other things first. It’s a watered-down resolution, because there’s no way I’m quitting cold-turkey, but it’s still going to be tough for me to accomplish. I’ll keep you posted, and in 4 weeks, we’ll see how I did. I’m hoping that this resolution gives me a greater clarity in life and helps me to accomplish more – even if that accomplishment is just sitting in silence for a few moments, alone with my thoughts.